BILLION

i'd read this years ago, but a friend of mine from college sent out this updated version with a politicized twist. i thought it was pretty thought provoking, even though some of the math is a little off. i've listed corrections and a couple other fun facts at the end.

the word "billion" is spouted out so often, its magnitude is lost. just some things to ponder...

A billion seconds ago it was 1959

A billion minutes ago Jesus was alive

A billion hours ago our ancestors were living in the Stone Age

A billion days ago no-one walked on the earth on two feet.

A billion dollars ago was only 8 hours and 20 minutes, at the rate our government is spending it.

While this thought is still fresh in our brain, let's take a look at New Orleans It's amazing what you can learn with some simple division...

Louisiana Senator, Mary Landrieu, is presently asking the Congress for $250 BILLION to rebuild New Orleans. Interesting number, what does it mean?

A. Well, if you are one of 484,674 residents of New Orleans (every man, woman, child), you each get $516,528
B. Or, if you have one of the 188,251 homes in New Orleans , your home gets $1,329,787.
C. Or, if you are a family of four, your family gets $2,066,012.Washington, D.C..

HELLO!!! ... Are all your calculators broken??

List of taxes

Accounts Receivable Tax,
Building Permit Tax,
CDL License Tax,
Cigarette Tax,
Corporate Income Tax,
Dog License Tax,
Federal Income Tax,
Federal Unemployment Tax,
Fishing License Tax,
Food License Tax,
Fuel Permit Tax,
Gasoline Tax,
Hunting License Tax,
Inheritance Tax,
Inventory Tax,
IRS Interest Charges (tax on top of tax),
IRS Penalties (tax on top of tax),
Liquor Tax,
Luxury Tax,
Marriage License Tax,
Medicare Tax,
Property Tax,
Real Estate Tax,
Service Charge Taxes,
Social Security Tax,
Road Usage Tax,
Sales Taxes,
Recreational Vehicle Tax,
School Tax,
State Income Tax,
State Unemployment Tax,
Telephone Federal Excise Tax,
Telephone Federal Universal Service Fee Tax,
Telephone Federal,
State and Local Surcharge Tax,
Telephone Minimum Usage Surcharge Tax,
Telephone Recurring & Non-recurring Charges Tax,
Telephone State & Local Tax,
Telephone Usage Charge Tax,
Utility Tax,
Vehicle License Registration Tax,
Vehicle Sales Tax,
Watercraft Registration Tax,
Well Permit Tax,
Workers Compensation Tax.

Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago, and our nation was the most prosperous in the world. We had absolutely no national debt, had the largest middle class in the world, and Mom could stay home and raise the kids.

CORRECTIONS: i guess that either these facts were calculated in 1990 or the mathematician forgot a remainder somewhere.

• a billion seconds is a little over 31 years, which would be 1976.

• a billion minutes ago would be the year 105 AD, a little after biblical times.

• most interestingly, we spend a lot more money now, so a billion dollars would be spend by our government in almost a third of the time, about 2 hours and 45 minutes. we spent 2.8 trillion in 2007.

• 2.8 trillion $1 bills, lain end to end, would circle the globe 1,000 times.

• 4.5 billion years ago, there was a big bang.
  

PROBLEMS & STATISTICS

something i always try to do when i'm outside of the country is ask people about their opinion of america and its inhabitants. it's interesting to me to see how we're viewed from the outside. it also shines a light on how skewed our perception of ourselves really is.

we are often seen as bullies. as greedy consumerers. as cocky elitists.

whatever.

we ARE the greatest country in the world...right?

USA Ranking on Adult Literacy: #9
USA Ranking on Healthcare Quality: #37
USA Ranking of Student Reading Ability: #12
USA Ranking of Student Problem Solving Ability: #26
USA Ranking on Student Mathematics Ability: # 24
USA Ranking of Student Science Ability: #19
USA Ranking on Women's Rights Scale: #17
USA Position on Gay Rights Progress: # 6
USA Ranking on Life Expectancy: #29
USA Ranking on Journalistic Freedom: #32
USA Ranking on Quality of Life: #13
USA Ranking on Environmental Sustainability: #45
USA Ranking on Overall Currency Strength: #3
USA Ranking on Infant Mortality Rate: #32

so if we're not the best at anything, why does everyone think we are?

HISTORIC MYTHS

a great book that i recommend often, though a bit dry at times (it is a history book), is A People's History of The United States by Howard Zinn. Zinn is a respected historian and professor who writes about history from the less seen perspectives. from the poor. the women. the minorities. the book is incredible in that it exposes how our sense of history has been passed onto us through rosy colored glasses. the history we're taught is that as told by the government, the conquerors and the diplomats. the rich white men in power. we never heard the whole story in school. many times, we never even heard the true story. many of the great heros from our country's founding were actually quite dispicable characters.

Columbus, for instance, was a blood thirsty tyrant. its horrible that time has sugar coated the man in lies. most folks are aware that chris never discovered america. the closest he came was the Bahamas. the deal columbus made: Spain wanted gold and it was known that asia had it (where chris thought he was). if he brought it back, 10% was his, along with land and a governorship and the title of admiral of the seas. shortly after landing and being wholely welcomed by the natives, he seized what little gold the arawak indians had (usually offered willingly). he then enslaved them, sending his men out to take and kill at will. they did so for amusement. over a period of about 15 years, its thought that several million natives died as a result of murder, enslavement and forced mining.

that's chapter 1.

anyway, i was reminded of this book after coming across a list of historic facts that aren't facts at all. its pretty alarming to discover that some bit of information you always held as definitive truth turns out to be skewed or completely fabricated.

HISTORIC MYTHS

Eve ate a bad apple

nowhere in the story of Adam and Eve is an apple mentioned. it is simply called "the fruit of the tree that is in the middle of the garden" (genesis 3:3). it could have been an apple, but it might just as well have been any other sort of fruit.

Walt Disney drew Mickey Mouse
Mickey was the vision of Disney's number one animator, Ub Iwerks. Disney, never a great artist, would always have trouble drawing the character who made him famous.

Marie Antoinette said "Let them each cake"
in 1766, Jean Jacques Rousseau wrote of an incident he recalled from some 25 years earlier, in which "a great princess" was told that the country people had no bread. "then let them eat cake," she replied. when Rousseau wrote of this, Marie Antoinette was an 11-year-old child in Austria. the french revolution would not begin for another 23 years. the myth that she spoke these infamous words was probably spread by revolutionary propagandists, to illustrate her cold indifference to the plight of the French people.

Witches were burned at stake in Salem
the Salem witch trials of 1692 led to the arrests of 150 people, of whom 31 were tried and 20 were executed. first, of the 31 condemned "witches"... 6 of them were men. they were not burned at stake. hanging was the usual method - though one was crushed to death under heavy stones.

Napoleon was a small man
some people believe that Napoleon's domineering ambitions were to compensate for being so physically small... true, Napoleon was called le petit corporal ("the little corporal"), but he was 5' 7" - taller than the average 18th century Frenchman. So why the nickname? Early in his military career, soldiers used it to mock his relatively low rank. The name stuck...

Magellan circumnavigated the world
Magellan only made it half-way around the world (he was killed by natives in the Philippines), leaving it to his second-in-command, Juan Sebastian Elcano, to complete the circumnavigation.

Shakespeare wrote the story of Hamlet
...most of his plays were not original, but adaptations of earlier stories. "The Tragedy of Hamlet, Prince of Denmark" (1603), probably his most famous play, was based on an ancient Scandinavian story.

America became independent on July 4, 1776
as most American school children (and many non-American ones) are aware, America's founding fathers signed the declaration of independence on July 4, 1776. However, the war raged for another seven years before independence from England was finally granted on September 3, 1783. On that day, Britain's George III and US leaders signed the Definitive Treaty of Peace.

Edison invented the electric light
...most Edison inventions were the work of his unsung technicians - and his most famous invention, the electric light, didn't even belong to his laboratory. 4 decades before Edison was born, english scientist Sir Humphry Davy invented arc lighting (using a carbon filament)... The achievement of Edison's lab was to find the right filament that would burn for days on end. A major achievement, but not the first.

Columbus proved that the Earth was round
...most educated Europeans in Columbus's day knew that the world was round. since the 4th century BC, almost nobody has believed that the Earth is flat... Columbus thought that the Earth was pear-shaped. He set sail to prove... that Asia was much closer than anyone thought. Even in this, he was wrong...

Jesus was born on December 25
...there is no evidence whatsoever, biblical or otherwise, that he was actually born on that day. nor is there anything to suggest that he was born in a manger, or that there were three wise men... there are differing views as to why December 25 was chosen as Christmas day, but one of the most interesting is that the day was already celebrated by followers of Mithras, the central god of a Hellenistic cult that developed in the Eastern Mediterranean around 100 BC. The followers of this faith believed that Mithras was born of a virgin on 25 December, and that his birth was attended by shepherds...

George Washington was America's first President
...during the American Revolution, the Continental Congress (or the 'United States in Congress Assembled') chose Peyton Randolph as the first President. Under Randolph, one of their first moves was to create the Continental Army (in defence against Britain), appointing General Washington as its commander. Randolph was succeeded in 1781 by John Hancock, who presided over independence from Great Britain (see myth #6). After Washington defeated the British at the Battle of Yorktown, Hancock sent him a note of congratulations. Washington's reply was addressed to "The President of the United States". Eight years later, as a revered war hero, Washington himself became America's first popularly elected President - but strictly speaking, the 15th president.

*taken (and paraphrased slightly) from an article written by Noivedya Juddery. Noivedya is a writer and journalist based in Australia.

THE TRIVIAL PURSUIT

Mosquito repellents don't repel. They hide you.

(i just wear camo from head to toe. its easier on the wallet)

The liquid in baby coconuts can be used as substitute for blood plasma.

(all the pacifist vampires move to Hawaii)

Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes.

(i suspected that after years and years of being called jackasses, it was only a matter of time before we felt their vengeance)

A Boeing 747's wingspan is longer than the Wright brother's first flight.

(in yo face, orville and wilbur!)

Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin.

(most of that dead skin comes from donkey related homicides)

Barbie's full name is Barbara Millicent Roberts.

(tribute to my mom)

There is no single word given to describe the back of the knee.

(too bad bacne is already taken)

A 'Jiffy' is actually a unit of time for 1/100th of a second.

(jiffy lube should change its name to 180,000 Jiffies Lube)

Five Jell-O flavors that flopped: celery, coffee, cola, apple, and chocolate.

(there's always room for J-E-L-L-Ew)

The earth is moving l8.5 miles a second.

(i can run over a thousand miles and hour. impressed?)

Polar bears are left handed.

(biologist noticed them using green handled scissors)

The youngest pope was 11 years old.

(his famous quote: "The devil is a poop face")

Pilgrims ate popcorn at the first Thanksgiving.

(they called it pop-mais)

One of the reasons marijuana is illegal today is because cotton growers in the 30s lobbied against hemp farmers -- they saw it as competition.

(the hemp farmers napped through the town hall meeting)

Pound for pound, hamburgers can cost more than a new car.

(Wendy's now offers financing with 0 down, 0 payments for 12 months!)

Hershey's Kisses are called that because the machine that makes them looks like it's kissing the conveyor belt.

(they required less equipment and sold a lot better then the short lived "Hershey's Gang Bangs")

Nutmeg is extremely poisonous if injected intravenously.

(at least your corpse will smell like Christmas)

The fingerprints of koala bears & humans are virtually indistinguishable.
(O.J has a new "koala theory")

Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.

(last week a peanut butter and jelly sandwich blew my jaw off)

The national anthem of Greece has 158 verses.

(154 of which are about baklava and gyros)

The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.

(most of the letters in curses are on that side)

There are more chickens than people in the world.

(lets hope they don't team up with the donkeys)

Most of the clocks in the movie "Pulp Fiction" are stuck on 4:20.

(how mysterious? what could it mean?)

Almonds are a member of the peach family.

(there's a nut in every family)

Mr. Rogers was an ordained minister.

(his civil unions were only recognized in the land of make believe)

It is impossible to lick your elbow.

(i think i could lick your elbow)

A crocodile can't stick out its tongue.

(they just give you the finger)

100% of all lottery winners gain weight.

(especially when take their winnings in "rolls of pennies" form)

A kiss stimulates 29 muscles and chemicals causing relaxation.
(yeah for dopamine!)