Friday, April 20, 2007


this Saturday (a.k.a. tomorrow, a.k.a. April 21st), i'll be on television. i created a simple stained glass overlay window for the show "Save My Bath" on HGTV - a bathroom remodeling, "reality" program.

this will be my third piece featured on the show. the difference this time around is that for this episode, the host (Krista Watterworth) and homeowner toured our studio for their on-location segment. they sat in the gallery and reviewed designs, chose colors and picked textures. then, they came back into the studio to see the magic happen. the reality of reality t.v. is that they gave me the design about 6 weeks earlier, the designer chose the colors and textures about a month earlier and the piece i was working on while they filmed was a phony. i finished the real one about 2 weeks prior. if they show it, the piece i'm working on is considerably smaller than the one they actually installed (remember this little tidbit to impressed your friends and family with your acute sense of observation). even my fabrication methods and techniques were bogus to make it appear more exciting for the American public, because for me, America comes first. first and foremost, I am a patriot.

anyway, i was asked to stand in the background and "reality act" like i was working. shortly after the lights went on and the cameras started rolling, without warning me in advance, Krista turned and started talking to me. if this makes it to the air, expect a lot of umm's, shaky hands and a general sense of surprised panic on my part. this was actually all part of my acting technique. first and foremost, i am a thespian. my character was heavily inspired by the work of D.J. Qualls and Rob Schneider- both undisputed masters of their art.

i expect an Emmy out of this.

it airs only once on Saturday April 21, at 1:00 PM eastern time on HGTV.

SIDE NOTE: i knew they were coming a couple weeks in advance and allowed a little bit of a beard to grow in. my intention was to shave lightning bolts on each side, from ear to chin. since i thought i'd only be background scenery, i thought it would be funny, because, first and foremost, i am a comedian. when the time came, i lathered up, applied mach 3 to cheek, but balked, fearing a beastly elephant man-esque, razor burned face. this little back story should explain my grizzly appearance as well as why my beard is asymmetric.

SIDE NOTE 2: in the event that all the footage that i appeared in was chopped during editing, its fairly safe to assume that my star power out shined that of the host and upon realizing that she simply couldn't compete with this fresh faced up-and-comer, demanded it's removal.

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