Thursday, August 2, 2007


today was a hot day.

i left the cozy, air conditioned, biosphere of my workplace for lunch and emerged into the sunshine like walking into a wet blanket. i popped the lock on my car door and flopped onto the scorching hot leather seat. i shut the door and labored to take in a few breaths of the heat inside, magnified by the convex windows and sealed in the closed quarters. it was so hot, my brain stalled. it just stopped from temperature shock.

i felt like just lying down. there was an instant temptation to surrender and just drift off into a deep sleep, sucked dry off all the energy i had. then i thought that passing out might not be the best course of action (or inaction). a squad of ambulances would likely arrive not long after someone noticed me. they'd sit me up, check my vital signs, wipe the sweat from my brow, and place a thermometer in my mouth. the moment the glass tip would touch my tongue, my core temperature would superheat the mercury inside, shattering the glass tube. fragments would shoot into the face of the medic, knocking him back into the open doors of the ambulance. his flailing arms would collide with their portable x-ray machine and defibrillator paddles, coincidentally switching the paddles to "on" mode when it jarred against the asphalt. milliseconds later, i'd hear a series of beeps, the cue for the defibrillator paddles reaching their full charge. the electric current would burst forth, jumping several inches to the x-ray machine, activating wild radiation emissions. half of the thermometer would still hang from my mouth. my heat would continue to agitate the remaining mercury, sending the atoms into a frenzy. the collision of the electrons would happen at such a high speed that the liquid metal would reverse its charge on an atomic level, converting the metal from matter to antimatter. eventually, i'd be too weak to continue holding the fractured thermometer in my mouth, and it would roll out and shatter on the parking lot. the antimatter would reach annihilation the moment it made contact with matter of the earth, then boom - nuclear explosion with radioactive fall out.

maybe catching some zzz's wouldn't be the best of ideas.

i reconsidered. instead of taking a nap in the front seat, i just rolled down the windows and went to buy an Icee. when weighing the options, the scales tipped towards frozen refreshment. i don't want a massive dirty bomb detonation on my conscience. my parents wouldn't be too happy with me.

long story short,
summer sucks.

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