Tuesday, August 21, 2007


for years now, i've noticed a change in the molded plastic bodies that flaunt the fashions in store front windows. at some point, someone, somewhere, decided mannequins needed more anatomical accuracy. enter the hardened nipples.

clothing retailers want you to know that no matter what you wear, you're going to be chilly. halter top. baby tee. mohair sweater. any way you look at it, you're nipples are going to be freezing. there's no way around it. hiding this fact with nipple less mannequins is unfair to the me, its unfair to you, and honestly, its unfair to our nation's children.

they must have also realized that people, especially slender, well proportioned women with extremely even complexions, are perpetually sexually aroused. "...but how will my nipples look in this shirt?" is a question that need never be awkwardly asked again.

these mannequins also alter the tops for comfort. nothing is worse than buying a new shirt that fits perfectly with soft nipples, only to tighten unbearably once the temperature drops. fortunately, that embarrassing predicament is a thing of the past. fashions have all been pre-stretched in the whole areola region. this provides both added nipple support and a comfy, worn in feel. like an old pair of shoes with that horrible "breaking in" period.

now if only male mannequins were more anatomically correct, i could cut the time i spend purchasing pants in half.

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