Tuesday, October 16, 2007


i've had a cell phone for about 5 years. most of the time i keep it in my front pants pocket. its always set to both vibrate and ring. the vibrating starts a few seconds before the ring so i have slightly more time to answer the call. more often then not, if i'm available to talk, i'm engaged in a conversation before the ringtone ever kicks in. i feel the call before hearing it, improving my response time

as a result of this behavior, i've been getting phantom rings. for about 2 years, give or take. little bursts of a vibrations on my upper thigh. right in the pocket region (blessing or curse - you make the call). i instinctively pull my phone out to find no one is calling.

its similar to phantom limb. the medical phenomenon, not the Shins song. when a person loses a part of their body, they sometimes experience a recurring sensation or pain felt coming from a part of them that no longer exists. like an aching in their left ankle after their entire left leg has been amputated. its odd. some sort of glitch between nerve endings and the synapses of a nostalgic brain .

i'm beginning to think that this "phantom" feeling isn't confined to limbs.

i've tried to formulate possible explanations behind this "phantom ring", but as per usual, my train of logical thought quickly derails into a fiery mess of imaginative unlikelihood. while this offers me no real answers, it does make for better blog posts and amusing campfire story times.

my theory:
cell phones emit and receive radio waves. my phone is kept in close proximity to my right leg. more specifically, my right femur. these radio waves probably travel through my flesh to the bone, then travel down through my fibula to the titanium plate and screws i had medically added for bone stability in high school. the radio waves excite the metal. it creates an attraction to ambient electrical charges, turning my ankle into a powerful electromagnet. the charged metal acts as a generator once its stimulated by the radio waves, thus turning my whole leg into an low pitch antenna. the phone in my pocket acts as a make-shift satellite dish. this lightning rod of nearby radiation pulls information of my surroundings in faster, allowing a for a slightly precognitive thigh. therefore, the vibration i feel is a 'spidey-sense', warning me of pending danger.

seems reasonable.
here's an artistic rendition:

...or it could be that i've just fallen into some psychosomatic habit from following a patterned routine .

i like the spidey-sense one better.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

you obviously have way too much time on your hands these days