MUFFIN EVOLUTION

until moving to Philadelphia to go to college, i knew of only three varieties of muffins. bran muffins, corn muffins and blueberry muffins. shortly after relocating to the big city, i noticed an enormous growth in the muffin aisle of the supermarket. suddenly, there's banana nut, there's chocolate chip, there's double chocolate, there's cranberry orange, there's cinnamon streusel. "what's a steusel?" thought i (probably). just about anything you could think of now came in muffin form. cranberry and banana had always been homemade breads in my book, so seeing these wasn't too surprising, but double chocolate was a birthday cake. chocolate chips came inside cookies.

i grew up in a simple place in what seemed like simpler times. the town always seemed a step behind. i spent the first 18 years of my life in the same town, in the same house even, so i thought to myself that maybe this next generation of baked goods didn't just pop up. its more than possible that these had been around and were forcibly kept out of town by the conservative locals fearing muffin change. i thought that maybe my ability to point out an observation on this matter was completely out of line.

to play it safe, i looked "muffins" up on wikipedia (its a pretty extensive write up, actually. who knew?). as it so happens, sometime in the 1980's, as gourmet coffee shops like Starbuck's and other specialty food stores started gaining popularity, so too did the exciting new muffins they offered. they blew the minds of muffin eaters everywhere.

let it be known that given all options, i'll take a chocolate chip muffin 9 times out of 10. they are, for lack of a better word, awesome. i think this is so because i also love cupcakes. muffins have evolved, my friends, into icing-less cupcakes. this can quickly become a very slippery slope. we, as a nation, seem to have accepted this change and these new additions without balking. i've never heard anyone remark on this matter before which leads me to believe that appointing the title of "muffin" to any cakey-bread in a mushroom shape is fine.

so here's my plan: i'm going to start making butter cakes in rectangular pans, then slice them into half inch slabs, then bag those bad boys up. i'll sell them as "Uncle Tyler's Sweet Sandwich Bread". if a muffin goes for about $2.00 a pop, i think i could reasonably charge $10.00 a loaf.

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