Monday, July 30, 2007


in this corner, in the blue and red cup, weighing in at 22 oz. and hailing from the Wawa convenience store chain and superstores such as K-Mart and Walmart. the polar bear with flair. ICEE!

...and in this corner, sporting the enormous transparent cup and weighing in at hefty 32 oz. coming all the way from your local 7-11. the brain freezer. SLURPEE!

let's get readyyy to ruuuumble!

the main event tonight is scheduled for 3 rounds. by the looks of these two opponents, this should truly be a brutal brawl. each fighter tonight is using the cherry fighting style. Icee is supported ringside by his manager Coca-Cola, and his sparring partner and former champion, Blue Raspberry. he's smaller than his adversary at a tight 22 oz. but boasts much more experience in the ring as a consistent flavor. Slurpee has assembled an enormous entourage on his side. i'm counting about 82 flavors, over there. the Slurpee team is notorious for debuting new fighters and it looks like its assembled the whole squad for tonight's main event.

and there's the bell!

Slurpee explodes out his corner. we've witnessed how the Slurpee management team treats all its flavors with equal attention so it really has been quite a while since Cherry Slurpee has shown us his moves in the ring. Icee, on the other end, saunters out with focus. he's been their star fighter for nearly 40 years and the Icee crew obviously knows when they've got a champion in their mitts. let's see if all that experience pays of against his rivals more sporadic record.

Icee is choosing his shots wisely. he bobs and weaves like the veteran he is, waiting for the opportunity to slip in some nice jabs. he's connecting with some regularity but Slurpee is taking it. he's dancing all over the ring and though his punches meet with a lot of Icee's blocks, when he's able to get his trademark brain freeze uppercut to connect, you can see Icee reel back. without a doubt, he's feeling it. and that'll bring round 1 to an end. i'm giving it Slurpee.

Icee took some punishment in that round. he's a bit wobbly as he makes it to his feet and Slurpee seems to have lost some of that speed he had earlier. both contenders have depleted a little over 1/3 of their contents. Icee still looks red and vibrant, but Slurpee's getting flush around the top. from here at the announcers' table, it looks like much of his flavor has seeped to his feet.

Icee stays with his traditional attack strategy. Slurpee's stamina has definitely dropped considerably. he taking a lot of shots out there. i haven't seen a fighter abandon his defense like this since the last Rocky movie. he's trying to turn it around with his devastating brain freeze, but with mostly super sweet juices and little to no ice behind it, its having a minimal effect. he's having some trouble finding the mark as well. Icee keeps backing Slurpee into the corner where he delivers body blow after body blow. this could be it for Slurpee. he's got a deep gash in his spoon straw. whoa. saved by the bell. the referee separates the two just in time. the crowd is going crazy out here. i'm clearly giving that round to Icee.

here we are. the deciding round. Icee still has nearly half of his contents reserved and a healthy pink color. Slurpee isn't fairing as well. his coach tried to mix him up but the effect won't last long. all his flavor has dropped to the bottom of his cup. he's hurt and all that ice is proving to be a heavy load of dead weight. Icee is brushing off Slurpee's blows. the syrup has lost all the icy force. it seems like more of a nuisance to Icee than a threat. he's really unleashing out there. a beautiful combination from Icee! Slurpee pulls his straw out a few times and stabs it into his own ice, trying to find some overlooked strength. he literally grasping at straws in a real desperation attempt. he somehow maneuvers an uppercut that forces Icee back onto his heels but he's too dazed to follow it up with an effective offense. Icee pauses, makes a quick stir himself, and charges in. a pair of jabs. a hard left hook! Slurpee is against the ropes! he appears to be out of flavor, unable to muster anything out of the glob of white ice still inside his cup. he takes an overhand pummeling from Icee's vicious right, sending Slurpee's domed lid into the crowd...and he's down!

Icee is teetering over him with only a couple sips left. if Slurpee can make it to his feet, i'm not sure Icee can keep up with his pace. Slurpee looks to be getting, wait, no, it's over!

Icee wins!
Icee wins!
Icee wins!

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