Tuesday, February 13, 2007


shortly after my 16th birthday, i went to take my driving test. excited about the liberation that being a licensed driver brings, i quickly aced the written exam. the following week i made the driving test look like child's play. after exiting my vehicle and entering the DMV to fill out the paperwork, i realized there was one simple test left. the eye exam. i failed.

i'd never had any inclination that my vision was any different from any other pair of normal functioning eyeballs. turns out i was slightly near sighted. enough so that i'd require glassed before i could be issued a license. i felt thoroughly beaten, but went out anyway, got glasses and returned the next week for my little laminated card.

my glasses only survived about a week. a few days after getting them, i dropped them, then accidentally stepped on them. as a result, the right lens kept popping out of the frame. it only took me a couple days to get sick of constantly repairing them so i just kept them in my jacket pocket. a week passed. i had a headache one night and my mom suggested it could be caused from squinting. thinking i'd immediately be cured if i wore my corrective lenses i sifted through my pockets for them. gone. no where to be found. they must have fallen out. never to be seen again.

i never got new glasses. my parents tried to take me back to the optometrist a few times but i insisted that i had no troubles seeing. i weaseled my way out of it.

years went by.

in 1999, i got a summer job while in college that required i pass a department of transportation physical. no sweat, or so i thought, until i was led to an eye chart. the standard rotated letter E type. somehow, i passed without any apparent complications. "strange", thought me to myself.

then in 2005, after a series of headaches, i started to think that maybe i should get my eyes checked out again. finally get a new pair of spectacles. after getting the works it was determined that not only did i not need glasses, but my eyes were better than 20/20. the doctor then told me a story about Elton John. he said that Elton never needed them, but started sporting funky glasses during performances. this became a habit. eventually, his eyes became dependant and changed to the point that he now requires them all the time. though he was surprised to say it, its possible that my eyes warped and fixed themselves.

in conclusion: i'm pretty sure i have super powers. though i'm not about to attempt it in the off chance that i'm wrong, it's more than likely that if part of me were injured, say my arm was severed clean off, a new one would grow back in its place. also, as i write this, my eyes are probably getting even better. probably at too a slow rate for me to easily notice (you can see through stone too, right?). eventually, i'll probably be able to see the space time continuum. that or heat ray vision. maybe, if i concentrate hard enough, i can shape any part of myself into whatever i want. like the wonder twins.


i'll work on it and keep you posted.


Anonymous said...

I bet if you try you can get away with never getting old. I am preserving my organs with red wine. M.K. PS I think they call it pickeling

Tim E said...

I went to the eyedoctors for the first time in eight years recently and in contrast to what I expected, was told that my eyesight had improved. Perhaps corrective i-wear is a diabolical plot to weaken our senses and ready us for take over. Is that too paranoid?